Part III

Words mean nothing anymore. I've said all I can say, and it all meant nothing.

Actions mean nothing anymore. Her hand on my chest asking me to stay means nothing.

Wants mean nothing anymore. I want the impossible. I want her hand to mean that she wants me. I want her hand to say that she loves me and that she just wants to be by me. I want her to need me. And she doesn't.

I feel like such a... such a turd.

I just want you to know that... that I know we're too far gone and that... I don't expect anything from you, but... but I honestly love you. And if you ever need anything, if you ever need me, if you ever need... somebody, just... just tell me. Whether it's... someone to tie your shoe or... just whatever...

She thanks me.

And my heart has leapt up from my balls into my throat and I'm choking.

I wish there was more than these words. Words don't mean anything anymore.

I'm gonna go, I say, and I begin to sit up. She makes a small attempt to keep me there, but I slowly move her hand away and leave.