Ode To Spider Bite That Is Maybe A Zit But I Doubt It On The Tip Of My Nose

Oh spider bite on the tip of my nose
Why do you delight to torture me?
Are you a zit, I must ask
Though I know you are not, spider bite.

I know that you are not a zit.
You hurt whenever I touch you, spider bite.
Honestly, all I have to do it barely tap you
And I feel like my nose is on a fire.

And when I squeeze you, spider bite
When I squeeze you to test your zittiness
To see if you will explode white pus
White pus, spider bite, is that what you are full of?

My efforts always suggest the answer is "no."
No white pus, because you are not a zit.

You are a big fucking spider bite that fucking kills.
Jesus fucking christ.
Go away.
Holy fuck.
Jesus butt fucking christ.
I hate you, you son of a bitch spider bite.

Go away go away go away.

I miss the days when there was no spider bite on the tip of my nose, spider bite.
Give me those days back.
I'll give you a dollar.
Eeeeeeeh?
A doooollaaaar?

Just take the fucking dollar and leave me alone, spider bite.
Fuck shit piss, spider bite.

Fuck shit piss.

The First Annual Thanksgiving Weekend Talent Show

A game can stop quickly after something gets broken. Such is the case with this particular game of foursquare, and it was my turn to play the role of the jackass who does the breaking.

Apparently I need to work on my overhead backwards throw. It runs a little high. Likes to crash into fluorescent lights and really bust those fuckers. The game ends, everyone laughs at the long tube that lays half shattered on the concrete floor.

My bad.

The group quickly falls away into two separate activities: One involves sitting against one wall on, around, and tangled between various limbs and squares of loose carpet. The other, running around and kicking a tennis ball twelve times its normal size.

It's fun to see how close you can kick it at someones face before their nose gets smashed.

I pick up what I can right away and shuffle towards the garbage bin.

Give me 'til winter break and I'll get you that new light I owe you, I tells the Host.

Yeah sure, he says. His tone is sarcastic. Which sort of baffles me. I don't know why I wouldn't replace it. I suppose many objects around here have been lost to the shenanigans housed in this very basement, but I can't think of anything in particular, that I have been responsible for at least, that hasn't been replaced. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's something, but so large as a big ol' tube bulb?

I mean... I'll definitely need to put some research into where the hell I'm supposed to get my hands on one of those things, but mark my words it will be replaced.

By the time I dispose of the last few bits and pieces, the group has reformed into one large mass of people huddled at the side of the room against the wall.

I am standing barefoot on the concrete.

Aren't your toes chilly, Andrew!?

A little bit.

I'm bored.

A couple of people inquire, rather meekly I might add, as to whether or not we plan on getting the game started again.

No one responds. Everyone is talking to the person to his or her left. There are few coherent conversations taking place.

I'm still bored.

I want to do something.

I can't remember if it was my idea or if someone else tossed it up into the air, but either way I grabbed onto it and proposed it a few times. Let's do a talent show.

Why not, right?

I'm bored. We're bored. We're not doing anything. Let's play a game.

I stand up and try to get it started.

No one plays along.

Now, there are plenty of reasons I could be standing in front of a group of my friends trying to M.C. an impromptu First Annual Thanksgiving Weekend Talent Show. Here is a list of a few that were just not the case:

1) I wanted people to look at me.
2) I had a special talent that I wanted to show off, I just needed any kind of excuse to do so.
3) I wanted to see what secret talents anyone elsein the room might have had.
4) If I don't get enough attention I go into cardiac arrest.
5) I really like talent shows.

In actually, there was only one real reason for it all. I like goofing around. More importantly, I like goofing around in groups.

Is there anything harmless about an impromptu talent show? Not that I can think of. In fact, it's probably an opportunity for a very goofy occurrence. And I love the goofies.

I just want somebody to play along.

And while a talent show does take place, with only one non-participant using the all too familiar "I'm allergic to cats and am currently focusing on battling respiratory failure" excuse, it's just something to pass the time. And a surprising number of people whine about how they can't think of anything. And an even more surprising number of people don't even whine, they just refuse to play along.

Why? Why not? What do you have to lose? Is there someone here you're trying to impress or are worried about embarrassing yourself in front of? I mean... seriously. How long have we known each other?

Sure, some people played along. And it was a silly way to pass the time. And it was nothing to actually get worked up over. And I wouldn't say I'm actually worked up, persay. I'm more confused. It's an opportunity to not be bored.

Why not play along?

Part 6 of 10 In Tired Ten Part Series: 100 Things I Want To Do Before I Die - - - No Longer Pending

--- I had a really good one that I thought of as I was walking home and now that I've sat down... it's gone... I am so frustrated with muhself---

51) Scuba dive.

52) Meet and shake hands with and propose to and have six children with Bill Nighy.

53) Meet and shake hands with Andrew Bird. And then make him godfather of my six mini Nighys. And then maybe have an affair with him.

54) Build my own home.

55) Own a Hookah.

56) Live well past the age of 40.

57) Trick someone into to eat my poop.

58) Convince a friend they have a serious problem by throwing an unexpected and unnecessary intervention.

59) Spend a day in Japan walking the streets dressed as Godzilla.

60) Egg someones house.

81st Entry! We Did It People!!!

What a milestone! And to think, we are less than one week from our one year anniversary!

That's like... a post every 4 and a half days!!!

I am such an asset to the blogging community!

Well, it's been a heck of a ride, gang! And this has been a heck of a post!!! Here's to 81 more!!!

Teenage Angst

You'd think it was all gone with high school. But I guess not. I guess it's not all over until you're no longer of teen age. Right?

This must just be my body getting it all out of the way before I turn 20. Which is in April... When did we start getting so old?

Some Haikus I Wrote

dreams of yesterday
more like nightmares, I suppose
... did you fart again?


sweaty palms and sighs
filled with sorrow and regret
i miss your yum-yums


yogurt and french fries
this couldn't be more awkward
we'll make out later


silent promises
smack that sack against my chin
what? i said what? gross.


saturday morning
anything for love, you said.
why not tongue my hole?


on the ferris wheel
gaze into your weary eyes
pucker up, baby.


sandpaper pie and
polyester silhouettes.
my my, you're frisky


tingling insides
your declaration of love
lips on my butthole


sourcream daydream
the doctor said wait two days
fuck that, man. fuck that.


tears fall towards the sky
my pants around my ankles
forget 'em. let's dance.


forked tongues locked as one
so wrong, yet it seems so right.
... ew... can you smell that?


these sweaty balls itch
shout of bittersweet surprise
your hands be so cold


sunburned marshmallows
help to find my ticklish spot
these farts define me


panda bear pies and
day old taxicab pudding
no, i won't swallow.


dribbly sunsets and
your salamander fingers
make my wee-wee smile


pursed lips softly blow
making sweet love without touch
gentle breeze 'gainst pubes


all because of you,
pudding off the ol' butt crack
ne'er tasted so sweet

Part 5 of 10 In Tired Ten Part Series: 100 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

41) Jump out of a birthday cake.

42) Shoot a bow and arrow.

43) Bike cross country.

44) Throw up off a balcony.

45) Live for an undisclosed amount of time on a (relatively) tiny island.

46) Travel to Las Vegas and blow lots of money at casinos.

47) Host and dominate a "How Many Whole Large Pizzas Can You Eat?" contest.

48) Start a radio station.

49) Make an ultimate functioning snow fort.

50) Travel to Dubai and go crazy.

Do You Believe In God?

Nope.